i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
