2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
