So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize