Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
