You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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