Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
