Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's rum buckets o'clock
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
