it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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