with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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