You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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