so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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