: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
