I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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