My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
