You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
