He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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