I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
