Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
