Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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