Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
