She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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