Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize