Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
