R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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