so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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