dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
