a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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