If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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