Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
be right there i have to get my cape
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
