her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
