genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
