I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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