Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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