I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
