Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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