How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
