Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize