: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
