y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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