Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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