he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize