I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
