I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
