wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
