Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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