she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
