Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
