highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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