I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
