someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize