I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
