just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
