I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
