I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
