I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
