I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
