I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
