i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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