Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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