The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
