..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
