everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
