So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
time to smoke my breakfast
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
