i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
