my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
