Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
