i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
