you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
