Got a toothbrush?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
