i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
