Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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