I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
