i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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