Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
