I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize