He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
