I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
