dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
