Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
