Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
