if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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