Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
being pregnant is like rehab
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
