I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
