I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
