Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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