I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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