I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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