I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
