I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't put those talents on a resume
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize