I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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