I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
