I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
