Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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