dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
