So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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