I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize