Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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