The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
