I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
